i'm full

how was everybody's long weekend? mine was pretty good. friday night louis and i went to little woodrows to watch ufc 60. there were a bunch of undercard fights that led up to royce gracie vs. matt hughes. most of the undercards ended pretty quickly due to submission moves, which i prefer to knockouts anyway. the main event was pretty lopsided, hughes manhandled gracie. the ref had to stop the fight a little before the first round ended cuz hughes was just beating royce's head like a speed bag. the old man had a perfect 11-0 record in the octagon and had to come out and tarnish it. i think he had 1.3 million reasons to risk it tho.

louis' father has been ill lately so has been under some stress. what's a friend to do? take him to treasures of course! he spotted a petite dark complexioned gal with a bangin bod so i got him started with some much needed relaxation therapy. as for me? let's say you're at one of your favorite restaurants and there was this off the menu special you had a year ago but they've not had it since. and then there was a different special you really enjoyed a few months ago when your friends were in town that also hasn't been offered again. and on this night both specials were available! what's a guy to do? go like paul, order both and enjoy.

angie and i met about a year ago, we were there for either someone's birthday or a friend was visiting from out of town. not like we need a special occasion to go there or anything. she approached me, she's this thin brunette with a thing for asians and wrx's. i promise, she said she owned a wrx before i said anything. anyhow, this weekend we got re-acquainted. she was a little tipsy when she attempted this one move. we're in a booth with a small square table in front of us. she's straddling my crotch and arches her back and reaches back for my knees for support. you know the move. but she misses my knees and starts falling backwards. by the time i realize it's too late. she smacks the back of her neck on this table, then falls to the floor. everyone around looks over. she lays there motionless for a few seconds and then i pick her up off the floor when she acknowledges that she's ok. back in the booth, her neck is in pain but there's no cut or anything. i think if she had hit the back of her head on the edge of the table we'd be in trouble. she called it a night but then somehow lost her car keys. poor gal. somehow i feel responsible. i can't help with misplaced keys but i'll never let another stripper hit the floor again. drunk bitch.

the teacher, on the other hand, was in control. she offered up her number for additional tutoring.

mad hops

phil dalhausser gets up. he and todd rogers just won at huntington beach for their third consecutive title of the season. first imagine trying to hit around this fool's block. then imagine you do and it gets dug by mr. rogers. or imagine accidentally serving/hitting to phil, who then receives a nectar set from todd. i can see them winning a lot more this season and beyond. oh yeah, kerri walsh and misty may won again.

i f'd up

i checked my my cell phone vm this morning and get the following msg:

"hey henry, it's gavin. i thought you and laura made plans to meet up tonight cuz she's got two girls coming over to meet you. give me a call when you get this."

how the hell did i forget this? we all met up tuesday night but i don't remember anything about thursday night. shit, maybe my gay selective hearing tuned it out? i'm going to blame laura, she had a lot to drink that night. next time i see her she's going to give me the throat slashing motion. fuck. i'm never turning my phone off again.

it's a winding road...

you ever listen to a song and a certain line really grips you? i'm at work listening to songs on my laptop and "winding road" by bonnie somerville comes on. this song is on the "garden state" soundtrack, which is awesome, as is the movie. the song, as i see it, is about one person's meandering journey thru life and her search for purpose. the lines that hit me were "i can smell the ocean/the salt in the air/...and i can see california sun in your hair". it just conjures some pretty strong positive memories for me. for example, my first date with cvu in the bay area. we drove from sf to carmel, down hwy 1, for dinner. it's a beautiful drive, if you've never been, and i had my jeep wrangler at the time. i guess i left my snowboard, foreman grill, and heart in san francisco.


Bonnie Somerville - Winding Road
(from the "Garden State" soundtrack)

Well, the rain keeps on coming down
It feels like a flood in my head
And that road keeps on calling me
Screaming to everything lying ahead

And it's a winding road
I've been walking for a long time
I still don't know
Where it goes
And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
I still have hope
I'm gonna find my way home

And I can see a little house
On top of the hill
And I can smell the ocean
The salt in the air
And I can see you
You're standing there
And you're washing your car
And I can see California sun in your hair

And its a winding road
I've been walking for a long time
Still don't know
Where it goes
And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
Still have hope
I'm gonna find my way home

All these dreams took me so far
And I felt I just couldn't go on
And I want to hang
Out the window of your car
And see just how good this baby can run

'Cause it's a winding road
I've been walking for a long time
And I still don't know
Where it goes
And it's a long way home
I've been searching for a long time
Still have hope
We're gonna find our way home

ai finals

finally getting around to watching the tivo'd performance of the superbowl of american idol. taylor vs. katharine. i've heard from a few people today that taylor whooped her ass. you remember last season, bo vs. that blonde gal, i forget her name momentarily. blondie had a better voice but was boring as f to watch, bo had great stage presence but was a little rougher around the edge. but boring and nice won, will that change this year? at this point i'm indifferent, both have sung extremely well all season long. both will get record deals and go platinum. carrie underwear, that's her name!

blind dates

im conversation edited to protect the innocent...


Kelso: i'm sposed to go out on a blind date nek wk
Kelso: double date
Kelso: jjj's gal has a friend
Kelso: i hate these
Kelso: last blind date was volleyball ppp's wife's friend
Kelso: who hooked up with fff a while back
Kelso: ppp's wife said she was really cute
Kelso: i disagreed
Fez: yeah most of the blind dates i've been on have been described as "real cute"
Fez: and then they end up being "real not cute"
Kelso: our friends are "real blind"
Fez: well i feel like there's usually a good reason
Fez: like, mmm was trying to set me up with some galpal of hers
Fez: and her reasoning was: she hasn't been out in a long time and i just wanted her to meet someone nice
Fez: which isn't exactly a good reason to set her up with me
Kelso: nope
Fez: a good reason would be "she hella fine"
Kelso: to match up with "i hella horny"
Fez: "she rove you rong time"
Kelso: like that white girl with big hooters
Kelso: i think she said her friend recently broke up with her bf
Kelso: and her bf was all religious so wouldn't do it to her
Kelso: i'm different
Kelso: i will comply
Fez: you are so giving
Fez: and understanding
Kelso: i'm all about her needs
Kelso: if i am her need
Fez: shit that's like www's ex
Fez: wouldn't do her
Kelso: but was it cuz he was religious?
Fez: actually it's not clear why he didn't
Fez: maybe just a real sensitive guy
Fez: wanted it to "mean something"
Kelso: it means put this in that
Fez: yeah so this galpal of ttt's
Fez: did i tell u she didn't drive
Fez: oh yeah i did
Fez: dammit
Fez: i guess she works down here at nnn once in a while
Kelso: like that?
Kelso: she just dates chauffers
Fez: she's some iii bbb or something
Fez: shit something
Fez: i'm like, oh, why don't u like to drive
Fez: and she was like, um, nothing
Fez: like, real odd
Fez: much like fff
Kelso: prolly crashed into something as a child
Fez: who said something like "it's just not good when i drive"
Fez: bad things happen
Fez: yeah, or spilled hot coffee into her lap
Kelso: the incredible bad driver hulk
Kelso: you won't like me when i'm driving
Fez: well she is a midget so maybe she has hard time seeing the road
Fez: is sss dating someone?
Fez: he said he saw some hot chick at another party for me. why not 4 him?
Kelso: dunno
Kelso: said he met some gals at www that night
Kelso: some former ms. taiwan or something
Kelso: need to meet ms. wannadoitnow
Fez: yeah that
Fez: ms. tungonyourjunkit

liberty

i had a strange dream last night. terry lim was getting married and he asked me to be a groomsman. he was marrying a chinese gal, someone who he hasn't dated very long, so he wanted me to translate anything that was said into mandarin. this is weird because i barely know terry, he lived at oe and we played poker a few times. then when i was speaking to his fiance she tells me that they actually broke up the night before so the wedding may not even take place. then the fact that terry and liberty dated for years before the fiance surfaced. none of this is relevant to anything, other than liberty is a hot piece of ass.

imagine chris elliott with some dance moves on crack

he's got some amplitude on his centipede...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

walsh speedo

oh yeah, i forgot to mention. the gal i brought to the russell peters comedy show was someone i won at the naaap date auction in february. i know, just got around to the date. she was busy, you know, with classes. at least the funds from the date auction went to good use, sposably a scholarship for an asian american.

today was a cool day at the spca. i got in a little after noon and the puppy area was half empty. that either means the morning was really busy or there just weren't many puppys available for adoption. either way, that's a good thing. there was even this 8 week old black chow chow mix puppy named hank. i know, i should've taken him home. here was the interesting thing, there were some bears held at the spca! the volunteer director took gavin and i on a private screening of these bad boys. inside there were these two north american black bears. just outside there was a european grizzly and two north american grizzlies. it was kinda sad, the two inside were in these pretty tiny cages, the ones outside were much better off. either way, the conditions are much better than what they're used to. i guess the previous owner kept them in these transport cages, which allowed them just enough room to turn their heads. that guy should be kept in a pine box. when you're two feet away from these guys it's truly an amazing feeling. while they seemed fairly gentle you know they could kill you with one swipe or one skull crushing bite. they also had these really long claws, a la wolverine from x-men. these curved daggers stuck out a good 4-6 inches from their paws. i thought it was due to lack of care but apparently they're used for swiping fish out of the water. there was also recently a tiger in holding but he got placed already. weird stuff.

i went to memorial park after the spca to seek out some sand vb action. there was a pretty big group there already but no one playing. maybe cuz it was 95 degrees out there and humid as hell. my first sand partner, patrick, was there and said "we're up, go put some shorts on". i had some in my car so was ready to rock. we first had to win on the challenge court before we could play on the big boy court. we won that and the next 3-4 games. i wasn't winded but a brother was starting to feel calf twinges. i knew it was going to be bad when i took a leak at the spca just before leaving and it was pretty dark. nasty but a seemingly good indicator of my hydration level, altho in this article i read recently the color isn't a good indicator. a funky smell would be an indicator of recent coffee, asparagus, or vitamin consumption tho. the last match we played was against the toughest team that afternoon. we lost 23-21 but should've won as we were up 19-16 at one point. then i got served off the court, pretty sweet.

i tivo'd the avp women's championship match live from santa barbara today. they only got to show the match starting from the 2nd game since the damn yankees-mets interleague series went into mad extra innings. i fast forwarded thru it so don't know or care who won, altho i did hear beefcake bonds tied babe ruth's record of 714 home runs. may-walsh won the match and there were some pretty good rallies. my favorite moment came after sinjin smith's comparison of elaine youngs and kerri walsh's reach on the sand. get this, the top of their net is at 7'4". elaine youngs is 6'0" and can touch 10'1", kerri walsh is 6'3" and can touch 10'4"! that means kerri is 3 mf feet over the net! in the sand with a men's height net i can reach maybe a foot over the net. oh yeah, today i launched a few. if there were walls surrounding the court i woulda tagged them all. anyhow, my favorite moment. after the youngs vs. walsh graphic it switched to a view of the sand court in santa barbara from one end of the court to the other. what i was focusing on were these two words "walsh" and "speedo". it's not so much the message but the tiny black billboard that these words were posted on. dayam, mr. jennings is a lucky guy.

i tried the parrillada mixta tonight, it was a lot of food but the quality of the fajitas wasn't great. i knew it was too good to be true. a buncha so-so quality beef, chicken, and shrimp over grilled onions and bell peppers, served with heaping sides of guacamole and pico de gallo, beans, and tortillas. i mowed thru the meat and veggies, then mixed the guac and pico together and killed that, and then the beans. fyi, not all beans make you fizzle. i also had the flan, apparently i didn't get my fill in costa rica. that was pretty decent. right now i'm hella thirsty, dehydrated, and stiff.

off to clip my nails, they're getting to grizzly bear like proportions.

major/minor

i was up at about 7:30am today, saturday, which is not at all unusual. what better way to spend an hour in the morning than by shopping for toilet mints at target? by the time i loaded up and headed home i was starving and i saw this taqueria open by the crib, taquerias los charros. i'd driven by it a hundred times and always wondered what it was like. turned out to be pretty tasty and a great value. this morning's desayuno special - two eggs, two pancakes, bacon and sausage for $3. they brought out a bowl of homemade salsa as well. cheap is good but good and cheap is better! i'll probably be dropping by for the other special later today - parrillada mixta: shrimp, beef, and chicken fajitas served with charro beans, guacamole, and pico de gallo all for $6. i'll let you know how that turns out. it's always great finding a new spot to chow (box). i'm looking at their takeout menu and it says "authentic mexican food" on the front. funny, i didn't see mexi-melt or nachos bellgrande on the menu.

as i pull out of the parking lot i'm listening to disc 2 of rhcp's "stadium arcadium". i hear anthony keidis sing "i give you major, you give me minor". paul, please explain that to me my nizzle.

sup

i was driving home from work today and i see this newer model wrx wagon, also silver, driving towards me in the opposite direction. i didn't really think about it but flashed the peace sign at him. at the same time he waved hello to me. i think that's the first time i've acknowledged another wrx owner since i became one. i recall doing that once or twice as a wrangler and gti owner, but never as a saturn sl2, honda accord, or buick regal owner. i know, that's a lotta cars. oh yeah, let's not forget the dodge raider, which is simply a re-badged mitsubishi montero. did i ever do that as a honda hawk or suzuki sv650 rider? i think on a motorcycle i acknowledged all other riders regardless of the make. two wheeled slut i was.

i just came from the russell peters show. funny ass dude. before the show there was a continuous and huge crowd of brownies (indians) and asians - 90% of houston friendster members were in attendance. the funny thing is i actually recognized a coupla gals from friendster as they arrived at the venue. why they stalkin me? russell does great indian and asian accents. does he do it because of his fan base or does he have that fan base because of the accents? i was laffing so much my stomach was hurting during the show. one of the funniest moments was at the end of one of his jokes, he gives everyone a chance to laugh and recover. silence, then he goes "so i like porn". transition as smooth as a sledgehammer but funny as hell. as he goes into his bit, he's talking about how he went into one of those porn shops recently and how weird the items are now. a wall fulla vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, and even an inflatable sheep. "come on, who the hell gets rejected by sheep?" so he's trying to buy one and the guy behind the counter asks "male or female?" russell replies "female of course, i'm no fucking weirdo!"

tired, off to bed.

random 2

hallway booty - i got into the office a little later than usual (8:15am) today and the first thing i saw in the hallway was this great ass covered in blue-green skin tight pants. we both ended up in the kitchen, i put my stuff in the fridge, and headed towards the training room. this lady probably thought i was stalking her since i ended up behind her again on the way to the training room before she turned off. nice butt, prolly a thong. i guess i was just a little surprised because this office doesn't have a lot of younger people like other accenture consulting offices might. damn. i'd love to see the video surveillance in that hallway, i'm probably staring at her ass both ways.

box - i saw this big cardboard box with "dixie cups" on the side. i know this is strange but the first thing i thought was "i'm pretty sure i can fit in there". where does this come from? my ninja paul used to date this gal thu vu. real cute, real cool, and will fit in anything. one time we were all at sucka's loft and i says to her "i bet you can't fit in that shopping bag". it's one of those big paper bags with plastic handles, the kind you might get at crate and barrel or nordy's. paul puts up a fight but thu just smiles and climbs into the bag with ease. sweet. i wanted to see if she'd fit in a wooden storage bench but paul was a fun vacuum.

contact lists - you ever look at your instant messenger list and just wonder where the hell all these people came from? i was looking at it today and didn't recognize a few names and some i haven't chatted with in months or years. i remember when i had this shitty nokia i'd actually go in and delete names periodically since it had finite storage capacity. if i hadn't spoken to you in a year nor do i expect to in the coming year, you're history. if you've deleted me i won't take offense, i've probably already deleted you.

eye contact - my first mistake was taking this day long "time management" course. i signed up for it a few weeks ago on a senior coworker's suggestion. senior as in she's been here longer than me, she's not over 65 years old. it was a mistake because it turns out the material is the same as an online time management class i took a few months ago. it was also a mistake because the instructor kept going off topic and telling "inspirational" stories about herself. like the time she lost 50 lbs or when her coworker had a stroke. i think there was a lesson in there somewhere but it went right over me. also, she rarely made eye contact with us. there were 9 of us in the class situated in a rows of 5 and 4. when she'd speak she'd look above and past us, as if one of the five deadly venoms was hanging out on the wall or ceiling. i wish i could do that.

random

nacho libre - this is going to be a funny movie. catch it june 16. mi3 was pretty good, right?

elliott - got booted tonight by decimals. the news program afterwards here in houston said there was a website that predicted it 24 hours ago. hello, onmydeez!

cavs 3-2 - rasheed wallace is an idiot. i really hope lebron carries his team to one more victory.

spurs vs. mavs - the spurs are losing in the series and most likely will not go to the next round. damnit. is manu ginobili balding? he's still my kinda player.

helicopter - so i'm driving home and two cop cars turn on their sirens and flash their lights to run the red traffic light. then i see a set of lights in the sky speeding in the same direction. i'm thinkin something pretty bad must've happened. i turn offa washington onto patterson on the home stretch and i see a helicopter hovering pretty low and shining it's spotlight in my neighborhood. cop cars are also circling but don't have their red and blue lights on. du ma, get the gun.

logan tom - that pic below, i'd prolly look like that with longer hair and a white bikini bottom. not something to brag about, i know.

tom logan or logan tom?

menage am idol

sup ho's, i'm back. the final three contestants tonight: elliott, kat, and taylor.

first song:
elliott - "open arms" by journey - not bad, easy to listen to but not particularly exciting to watch. did you know randy was part of journey? sheit.
kat - "i believe i can fly" by r. kelly - her performance actually gave me goose bumps. i hadn't felt that from anyone since kat's first hollywood performance. all judges cept simon crushed her.
taylor - "dancing in the dark" by bruce wingstein. this kid sang it pretty well, i thought, and he really had fun with it. i think he's going to the finals.

second song:
elliott - "what you won't do for love" by bobby caldwell - i couldn't hear the mid-range of the song too well. paula is going to have his children, or will at least take it in the pooper.
kat - "somewhere over the rainbow" - goose bumps right from the start, until she started picking at her ear. and "that i heard of" sounded kinda weird. wail baby wail! no fillings in her teeth either. wow, randy and simon said it was the single best performance all season!
taylor - "you are so beautiful" by joe cocker - really good song choice by randy, plus it kept him from dancing like a fool. hey, his hair matches his suit!

third song:
elliott - "i believe to my soul" - again, not bad but i found myself listening to the bassline more than the vocals. man, paula is just a horrible judge. and elliott's proud mom is scary looking.
kat - "i ain't got nothin but the blues" - i didn't get goose bumps this time but she did get a rise out of me. see you in the finals mrs. peng.
taylor - "try a little tenderness" by otis redding - the soul patrol probably has a lukewarm feeling from that performance. he gives it everything, you gotta give him that.

going home tomorrow - elliott. he's not a bad singer, just won't get enough votes to sustain the momentum.

like cars? like boobs? then peep this...

http://media.putfile.com/nissan-boobs

aloha

i finally went to my first hawaiian joint in houston. aloha hawaiian bbq at 1803 fry road in katy. a co-worker and i went right around noon and it was dead, i'm guessing because it's at a bad location and it looks like a chinese joint with a hawaiian slant. sorry, bout that. it's been open for 9 months and the owners say it's been pretty slow. i doubt it'll still be open by the end of the year. when i first went in i was looking on the board for kalua pork and cabbage but didn't see it pictured. there was katsu, spam, kalbi, and loco moco up there but no kalua pork. anyhow, we each got a bbq chicken and katsu bowl and it was just ok. thanks for the memories.

it's already been brought

was everyone else surprised when they gave chris the boot last night? shit, i was. when they isolated chris and katharine as the bottom two, i was fully prepared to say goodnight to kat since she had the off night before. and then to ask him to sing a final song, he just had this blank look on his face. that's ok tho, he's still gonna get signed and sell albums. i'm starting to get tired of taylor's funky white boy antics and hope he gets bounced soon. kat needs to step it up next week.

i was in las vegas last weekend for our annual westside volleyball tournament pilgrimage. came out about even in poker but way down at the establishments. it's a good thing that trip is only once a year. we had a buttload of people show up, enuf for two teams with subs. the first day our team went 7-1, only to go 4-4 the next day. the other team went 4-4 the second day and placed 2nd! i didn't need another westside vb t-shirt anyway. i finally got upgraded to first class on the leg from lv back to houston. usually there are so many other platinum or gold elite members that i don't come close. the food was decent but the extra leg room was key.

i went running around memorial park with my neighbors the other night. got there around 6:30pm and it was still hot and muggy! i'm really not a long distance runner but i hear that shit's good for my heart. i'd probably prefer to run short sprints or up stairs, j and i mentioned that as a possibility around rice university.

ok, when asked about the worst volleyball you've seen on tv or the big screen, what do you recall? i can think of four:

1. c. thomas howell in "sideout".
2. that whole vb scene in "top gun".
3. the snickers commercial where someone actually jumps up and backhands the ball over the net. actually, any commercial with a sand and a net.
4. when matt on "baywatch" teams up with kent steffes to play in an avp tournament. karch kiraly and tim hovland were also in the tournament.

well, there's about to be a fifth. i saw a commercial on tv yesterday for an mtv movie called "all you've got". it's about two rival squads, the rich madonnas and the ghetto phantoms. the rich madonnas' school burns down so three princesses have to go to school and play for the ghetto phantoms. the stunt doubles bang but the stars suck ass. one girl gets packed at the net and the ghetto phantom asks "you want a manicure with that facial?" i probably could've been a dick and asked that a few times over the weekend.

shakira and i, our hips don't lie

last night after work i went to my parents' house for dinner. just before we ate i tried cutting off the sleeves from the two t-shirts i bought from playa tamarindo, costa rica. they had cool designs on them but the cut just wasn't right. the sleeves were too small and so the seam kept creeping up into my pits. i cut off both sleeves from one and it still wasn't right. i figure i'll just leave the second one as is and give them both to pops. my dad happily takes them off my hands but offers the sleeveless one to my mom. my mom's like "when the hell am i gonna wear that sleeveless shirt?" she says it in chinese, of course.

you guys try speaking a foreign language 17 years after you learned it in high school? that's what we did in costa rica. it started to come back to me but i really wish i would've brushed up before the trip. i ended up relying on the phrases and glossary in the back of the cr guide book. me nombre es enrique! quien es su padre?

two songs each on ai, this one might be a little more difficult. each contestant had one good and one less than stellar performance. funny, ryan mentioned last week's wardrobe malfunction. kat says she didn't even notice but she totally did. votefortheworst.com is supporting taylor now! do you guys think he's the worst? hey! alright! chris better not get booted tomorrow cuz his voice might be wrecked after his second song. i think the bottom two will be taylor and paris but it will be paris that goes home.

costa rica

I’m back in Houston from Costa Rica and I have to say it was a great time. More details in a second. The Spurs-Kings series is even, which I didn’t think was going to happen after the Spurs started the series winning the first two games. I guess they want to make it exciting and will pull it out in the final game. Kellie Pickler finally got booted, and I say finally because she’s just not nearly as good as the rest of the final group and could have gone home before Mandisa and Lisa. Next to go? I’ve got Paris selected so far. It’s not that she’s a bad singer, she just doesn’t have that mainstream appeal (not a honkey) the voters want. Simon even apologized to Katharine for bagging on her the night before. The NFL draft came and went and the Houston Texans seem to have stumped everyone. First they pass on hometown hero and national champion Vince Young, then they pass on Heisman winner Reggie Bush for defensive end Mario Williams. I like that the Titans got Vince Young and LenDale White. Arizona could be pretty good with Leinart at QB, James at RB, and Boldin and Fitzgerald at WR. We’ll see how big a difference Bush makes splitting time with McAllister in New Orleans.

Ok, so Costa Rica. Honestly I wasn’t looking forward to being on a plane and in a hotel again after having been in New Zealand the prior two weeks and Montreal and Toronto the week before that for work. Plus when I first signed up for the trip it was going to be me, Jeremy, and Gavin. As it got closer I find out Jeremy and Gavin are both bringing women. Being the fifth wheel is fun, isn’t it? I was looking for any excuse to cancel but nothing came up. In retrospect I’m glad I went. It had all the ingredients necessary for a great trip: lots of sun, great beaches, warm waves, t&a, good food (tons of papaya), and no gi issues. I didn’t bring my camera but am collecting digital photos from the other guys. Some are pretty funny, I’ll share them when I’ve got them consolidated.

J picks me up from the crib at around 1:45 Wednesday afternoon. I’ve got one rolling carry-on, the one I use when I travel for work for a week, and one shoulder bag. Had I not packed hiking boots and my Clarks I could have made due with just the roller, seeing as how I never used them anyway. We fly out of terminal E but the D/E lot is full, as is C. We end up parking in A and walked what seemed like 3 miles to get to our terminal. Once we get there we check out the President’s Club, thanks to some passes from “Continental customer service”. It’s a nice spread: a big TV lounge, internet connectivity, open bar, and some light snacks (cheese, crackers, deez nuts, and chips). Before boarding I had to exchange some US dollars for Costa Rica Colones, $200 USD = $101,318 CRC.

National Rental at Liberia wanted to give us a RAV4 but we wanted a Prado, their version of the Land Cruiser. We got it and headed towards Mono Congo Lodge in Playa Negra. Gavin had been there before so we were kinda going on a basic map and his memory. The roads there are poorly lit, if at all, narrow, and sometimes just downright shitty. We end up driving thru Santa Cruz 3 times along the way, our host at the lodge called that place “the hinges of hell”. It’s late so we decide to stop at the next open cantina for a bite before who knows how long until we get to the lodge. We park and notice all the local patrons and dogs staring at us but everyone was friendly. Turns out they’ve also got karaoke going on. We order our food and then Laura and I proceed to slaughter “Sweet Child of Mine”. J and Gavin were hating life. At the end of the song we get a score of 98, which is considered a perfect score. Votefortheworst.com must be behind us. Then the waitress asks Laura to sing Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”. She declines to go solo but agrees to a duet. The waitress claimed not to speak English but she sang it like she was born and raised in the US. As expected, 98. Somehow we get to talking about garlic suppositories to repel mosquitoes. We finish our meal and hit the road.

I’m having food coma right now so will try to jot down some quick notes about the trip:

Thursday. We attempt to catch some waves at Playa Avellana. Great conditions, heavy ass foam longboards. Yummy papaya and passion fruit smoothies and a 600 pound pig at Lola’s. Monkeys in the trees and on the roof top. 3 hour dinner at Café Playa Negra and kicking some ass at the foozball table.

Friday. Waves not so good in the morning. I heart Jeremy in the sand. J attempts to break the Prado, the ac spits out this white puff of dust. Playa Tamarindo is packed and developed. I turn down the pimp cuz I thought he was selling me trinkets. Laura picks up a white bikini. SI hump backs get photographed on the beaches on the way to Liberia. Elaine meets my playmate on the flight over. Playmate reveals love of weed and boyfriend at dinner. Playmate turned 30. We drive up a dark and rough path to the locked gates of Hotel Hacienda Guachepelin. Gates open, rooms available, playmate throws down some Crown Royal by the pool.

Saturday. Canopy tour thru the rainforest includes zip lining and a rock climbing wall. Everyone enjoys the occasional suck from my teat. The waterfall and group jump were sweet. Happy hour by the pool and Noah’s protective parents. Went into Vegas training by attacking the dinner buffet over and over. Big ass bugs all over the walls. Borrowed some Crown Royal. Wake up in the middle of the night to apply anti-itch ointment to fresh mosquito bites. Playmate is sleeping on top of her bed sheets on her side in just a pink thong and bra. Nice ass pointed right at me. I’m applying the ointment all over my body just so I can keep staring at her booty. Brushing teeth, running sink, flushing toilet in an attempt to wake her. Lights out, back to bed, mad frustrated. J says no jury in America would have found me guilty of molesting this passed out playmate.

Sunday. My guns are too big for CR t-shirts. Checked in at the airport, headed back out to gas up the vehicles and load up on TCBY. Almost missed the flight, boarded 15 minutes before departure time. Guts still intact after eating the in-flight snack.

More pictures to follow. If you're wondering why there are capital letters in this post it's because I'm typing this in MS Word prior to pasting it into the blog and it's doing it for me.