mack brown is dating paris hilton

how do i know? did you see that big ass cold sore on his upper lip during the ut-osu game? it was like a second nose. someone said there was a play that ran to the sideline and knocked him silly, perhaps causing a bloody lip. or paris bit his face. either way, i'm not sure which mack is more embarassed by, his herpes or his team's shitty play. if i can just keep the camera on me, maybe they won't notice how badly we're getting molested...

on saturday i heard that jessica simpson was dating john mayer. i was surprised by that, i figured he'd go for someone more, i dunno, not dumb. later that night i heard a radio personality break the news that john mayer dumped her, citing that she was using him for publicity. the dj then went on to question jm's rationale by saying 1) no one knows who jm is, and 2) he's not the one with double d's.

is it unprofessional for a massage therapist to tell you you've got a "bodacious bod" while she's tenderizing your glutes? i guess it depends if she's cute/hot.