Dinner With My Retarded Friends.

It was unavoidable that Heidi would have to eventually meet my retarded friends. You know the usual suspects: Neo (he don't like loud, drunk chicks in his apartment), Paulie (he don't like hair brushes), and Hanky (he don't like commitments, but he likes candy). Hanky is in town so Heidi, Paulie, and I meet up with him for sushi in San Mateo.

I tell Heidi ahead of time that these aren't my real friends...I tell her that my real friends are really smart, wealthy, and really mature. Then I go on to explain that my real friends are all out of town so we have to meet up with Paulie and Hanky instead. I think she buys it.

So the night goes something like this:

• Hanky shows up dressed like the Caltrans roadside crew
• Paulie shows up with his hair even krazier than usual
• There's 4 of us...we order enough for 8
• Paulie tells us he's not gay but shows up in an extra small, extra tight tee-shirt that accentuates his nips
• Hanky talks about hookers and his mom (actually, that counts as 1 topic)
• We talk about ninjas
• Paulie and Heidi talk about the problems with Paulie's "worm"...Paulie then challenges Heidi to a worm-off
• We eat green tea ice cream...it was good

A typical night when my "real" friends are out of town.

-- Spencer

p.s. On a totally unrelated note...check out Heidi's "guns":