later mate

it's friday in nz and i just saw two trannies while i was walking to the client site this morning. i'm guessing they were trannies anyway. if they have more facial hair than me or their calves are bigger than mine, i'm thinkin they're trannies. or if i brush up against them and feel their nuggets. not that there's anything wrong with it.

so yesterday was a rather unlucky day for me and those around me. we were in wellington for the day at a branch office doing more training. in the afternoon we took a cab from the branch office to the airport to head back up to auckland. the cabbie was an old friend of my client partner's. anyhow, we're at a rather busy intersection. just imagine the first two lanes of traffic coming from right to left, a thin median, then two lanes going from from left to right. we needed to cross the first two lanes and the median to turn right. now imagine this is 19th ave, el camino, or route one at a busy time with no traffic light. so we're waiting, waiting, waiting, and then we see a big suv in the first lane turning onto the street we're trying to get out of. the cabbie makes his way into the lanes of traffic but i was thinking we really can't see if there's a car behind that big suv. sure enuf, after the suv turns a little japanese import slams on his brakes and plows into the cab. it was weird, the front of the import was crumpled but the front fender of the ford cab was barely damaged. they exchanged insurance information and then we made our way thru that intersection and to the airport. the cabbie figures he'll just use a board or something to straighten out the fender.

when we land in auckland a guy behind us gets up and opens up the overhead compartment across from me. out drops this hard plastic briefcase and it drops on this bald guy's head, just above his left eyebrow. at first i see the cut but then i see the blood soaked tissue paper he's holding against his face. and i think it was actually his own briefcase that attacked him. "please be careful when opening the overhead compartment as items may have shifted during the flight..."

then we took a cab from the airport back to the hotel. holy shit, this guy stunk. i mean, he really smelled like shit. well, not shit, but maybe i would have preferred that, especially if there's papaya in it. anyhow, as he started driving i kept moving around in hopes of dodging the stench but to no avail. i swear anywhere i turned my head it was as if this big invisible armpit was always in my grill. i rolled my rear window down in hopes of being overpowered by diesel exhaust, skunk fumes, a sheep slaughterhouse, or even some tzo tofu. goddamn his shit was strong! he must have had some kind of funk amplifier on or something. jesus christ! if i end up sitting next to someone like him on the flight from auckland to lax i'm gonna grab my pillow and blanket and lock myself in the toilet. is there such a thing as the mile high club for one?

last night i made one last visit to the white house, a gentlemen's club next to the quest hotel i was staying at. my girl charisma was there again so we hooked up for an hour long lap dance, or show as they call it. now at the white house they don't charge by the song, they charge by time. 30 minutes is $90 nzd, 60 minutes is $150 nzd, which is approximately $56 usd and $94 usd respectively. for those not in the know, every place i've been to in the usa charges $20 per song. at an average of 3-4 minutes per song, that's 15-20 songs per hour, which would come out to $300-400 for an hour of entertainment. let's forget the fact that she's fine and butt nekid, at a 69-77% discount, how can you resist? just think of all that money i saved! anyhow, if you'll be in sydney, australia, soon visit her at pure platinum.