women - next cut

best performance so far tonight came from paris, and we can see why: she's a powerful little girl and patti labelle is her grandmother! i can't tell who's gonna get booted from this episode since most were pretty average to bad. even my girl k-mack bombed! even worse, she looked prego! melissa was pretty good, she had this peekaboo thing going on between her belly button and the backup singers. heather hit this extended high note, took a quick breather, and then said "yeah!" as if to say "i rock!" the judges totally disagreed. and who is brenna's biggest fan? brenna. that girl bugs the shit out of me! nice, ayla is always sweaty and dirty but cleans up nicely, her song was good too. this girl is totally v! interesting, dogs in la have more clothes than kellie. she put on a cute performance and looked great when her hair was all in her face. kinda that just been tossed good ol country girl/trailer trash look. if not on this show, i hope this girl does well in life. funny moment, i'm hearing this intermittent trumpet and look up to see hot ass girls in bras. then the word WIRELESS flashed on the screen. i was like "an internet enabled bra?" i'll surf that shit! turned out to be a victoria's secretion wireless bra. mandisa hooked it up tonight - arf!

ok, like ali g, i think heather and brenna are history. not sure if they let their homies smell their fingers tho. and the next time i'm in a dressing room i want to hear "my humps".

introducing the new ipod hi-fi

http://www.apple.com/ipodhifi/

hanky's take: for someone without a home stereo this seems like a pretty cool option.

sucka's take: 4 oz ipod... 200 lb speaker... sweet!

your indecisive friend.

damn, your friend sounds like a punk. i'm not sure who he is but i'll take a guess at why he's the way he is:

1. perhaps he gets into the wrong relationships (they're crazy) or ones that don't meet his romantic idea of how an ideal relationship should be (he's crazy). perhaps he should have been decisive and just married one of them and worry about splitting assets and custody later?

2. yeah, that's just wrong.

3. his posse probably has some cool gals in it and he'll hang out with them despite not being able to bang them. some might consider that a waste of time but he seems either more evolved, gay, or, again, crazy. how's this for a new posse: johnny walker, jim beam, and captain morgan.

so i'm thinking about a prius. don't you love when someone that doesn't know shit about cars or how to keep one on the road, literally and metaphorically, gives you car advice?

My Indecisive Friend.

I have this friend whose indecision drives me batty. I won't call him out on this forum, but I will say that he frequently posts to this blog (and his name rhymes with Cranky).

At any rate, he's the consummate single guy...I mean this in a bad way. Here's his Top 3 behaviors that drive me krazy:

1. He never invests that much into a relationship. I am positive that this is his way of ensuring that his relationships will ultimately come to an untimely end. Maybe it's anxiety over commitments, maybe it's some ideal fantasy of a chick that can never be met, or maybe it's the compulsive love for candy that's preventing a real life.

2. His passive-aggressive ways of confronting with women. Some chick liked him...he no like chick...he don't address issue with chick directly...he just sleep with some other chick. Nice process, no?

3. His normal chick posse are either chicks with boyfriends or married chicks. I think this is the same avoidance issue that has become a theme in this dood's life.

Good things only come from being decisive. I think my friend "Cranky" (not his real name) needs to come to grips with that and punch that munkey for the last time.

Sucka

mmm... meat...

saturday morning i wake up kinda late but don't feel like getting out of bed. instead i turn on the tv and end up watching et on mtv. here are some things i observed: the olsen twins have designed a line of clothing for kids and pre-teens. basically, the way they eat (or don't) they'll be able to wear the clothes they design for the rest of their lives. also, i, like most of america, have caught katharine mcphee-ver. and i need to buy an outdoor bbq grill, my whole place smells like the broiled steak i cooked the night before in my kitchen.

that night i go to a friend's house for his daughter's 2nd birthday. there are two other kids that i've never seen before, one is 2.5 and the other is .5 years old. i'm immediately able to make the .5 yo crack up. here's the shitty part, one of the mothers there says "wow, he's so good with kids" but another says "yeah, if only girls liked him". when did girls stop liking me and when did it become common knowledge that they didn't like me? whack.

this morning on the drive to work "i can't fight this feeling" by reo speedwagon came on the radio. i think songs have the same kind of effect as smells, they have the ability to bring you back to a previous place and time. this song specificially brought me back to my high school days and my first slow dance. i remember being caught off guard when she put her arms around my neck and pressed her body right up against mine. i watched and did what others around me did and put my hands around her waist but made sure not to pull her too close for fear of giving her a little surprise. cut me some slack, i was young and my hormones were out of control! who am i kidding, that shit still happens today.

i almost forgot, i recently had a dream where i died in the dream. we've all heard that if you're falling in your dream and actually hit the ground, not only will you die in your dream but also in real life. in this dream, i'm a passenger in some kind of fast moving vehicle, i don't remember if it's a car, motorcycle, bobsled, whatever. i feel an accident coming and sure enuf slam into a wall. next i'm viewing my body on the ground from the view of a spirit floating upwards, which is strange because i thought hell was down. anyhow, i guess i've got 8 lives (or less) left. or is that just in "the matrix"?

whaaa?

so kinnik, brenna, and becky are standing on the stage and one of them will be eliminated because they got the lowest number of votes. i have to say i was surprised it was becky, i would've guessed it was either of the other two. damn, she was kinda hot too. that's fine tho cuz she wasn't in my final six girls anyway, 1 for 1. http://maximonline.com/girls_of_maxim/AmericanIdolTwins_2.html

bobby and sway are up for elimination and i figured it was bobby, which turned out to be right. either sway is tiny or bobby is huge. crap, gotta hear bobby sing "copacabana" again. sweet, 2 for 2.

stevie is the gal with the second lowest number of votes. 3 for 3. bucky or patrick, i could've gone either way but patrick must go home. 4 for 4.

after these kids find out they've been eliminated they're asked to sing their last song one more time. i can't decide if this should be easier to do since there's no pressure to perform anymore or if it's harder cuz you just got your nads kicked in by america. i'm thinking the former.

final six dudes?

really, who cares? here's who i think will make the next cut:

will makar - looks like john mayer, so-so performance but i'm pulling for the houstonian
chris daughtry * - next lead singer for creed
gideon mckinney - he's got like 100 teeth
elliott yamin - i wasn't as impressed as the judges were, could borrow a few teeth from gideon
ace young - three words: color me badd. i'm guessing the whole place smelled like paula after his performance
taylor hicks * - my favorite fella, very unique to the competition, a little spastic, really wish i was familiar with the song he sang

there were only two standout performances for me as noted above (*). there were a couple of las vegas lounge style performances that just didn't belong. i wasn't as stoked with jose "sway" penala's performance as paula and randy were probably because i wasn't familiar with the song. really, i thought he sounded like a cat in heat. he'd crush fools at the element asian american idol competition though. i wanted kevin covais to do well but i'm surprised the nasally lisp got him this far. the rest were just very forgettable.

two side notes: shouldn't the dog pound be called the bitch pound since it was all female dogs this time? and was anyone else fixated on the voluptuous katharine mcphee gyrating from the kitty litter? i just wanna eat her right up, interpret that any way you want.

INFA Peeps.

Some nonsensical stuff from work:

1. My nightly ritual is to beat Candace DeSantis (I know, it rhymes) in heads-up hold'em poker online. My table presence is strong and I manipulate her like a puppet. I think she's avoiding me since I took about $50 off her the other night. I am so good.

2. Tiffany invited some of us to join her in this 199 mile relay race. The map looks like it takes you from Humboldt to San Diego. But that's cool, because I run like a deer. But then Thelma mentions that there are hills...I am seriously reconsidering.

3. A reseller was Googlin' Thelma this morning...no one ever Google's me.

4. The Informatica Oscar Pick'em is in full effect...all the men laugh at the notion of playing...but they're all secretly sending me their picks.

Work is like eating at the cafeteria...sometimes you get Texas BBQ Day...and sometimes you get "Passage to India".

the girl with one shoe

ok, here's the kind of stuff i hear on a daily basis from the other side of the cubicle:

the woman answers the phone and tries to calm her crying 9th grade daughter. apparently some kid in her class stole one of her shoes and hid it. when the daughter tells the teacher what happened she says "just walk around with one shoe, maybe no one will notice." the mom says to the daughter "you need to stop crying. don't worry about it, if he has to steal your shoes that means his momma can't afford to buy him none." comical.

maternal instinct is nuts

http://espn.go.com/outdoors/general/news/2006/0221/2338668.html

reminds me of this one time this 500 pound gorilla tried to take my starbursts...

"dead bang"

...starring don johnson and penelope ann miller. i lost interest when i found out it wasn't about necrophilia.

the next 6 female american idol performers to make the cut

ok, they're going to narrow the female field from 12 down to 6. for me there were 3 great performances (*), the rest were good to average. anyhow, here is my prediction for survivors of the next cut:

kellie pickler - shaky performance but personality and looks will bring her thru this round
ayla brown - this one actually reminds me of v
paris bennett * - cute, spunky, and can definitely sing
melissa mcghee - good enuf for this round as well
lisa tucker * - young but classy and poised
katharine mcphee * - again, cute as a button, can wail, and got some junk in the trunk

there were some gals that were definitely cute enuf (heather cox, becky o'donohue) but just don't have the pipes. one moment i liked was after heather destroyed her song and the judges layed into her, paula tries to console her by saying "but you look great". i was thinking the same thing - can't sing, great rack. and another thing, these women make ryan seacrest look like a midget.

hmm, i think a blind woman is giving herself a breast exam on cinemax. wait, she's examining her crotch too. interesting.

uh-sentra

that's exactly how the woman on the other side of the cubicle pronounces "accenture" when she answers the phone 20-30 times a day.

Neo's Chicken.

Neo made some chicken for me on Saturday night. He baked with with all these savory spices and served it with some tofu dish from some Chinese joint the night before.

I liked the chicken...he hated it. I thought it was tasty, but apparently he has higher standards than I.

Which begs the question: When ordering chicken...do you go with fried or baked?

Chicken is really the ultimate symbol for love, no? Why is life so hard?

snow in texas?

that's right. last year we enjoyed a white christmas in houston. this weekend i was in fort worth coaching our juniors squad at a two day tournament. saturday there was sleet and sunday there was snow. as i was driving home sunday afternoon i saw bumpers and fenders peppered along the shoulders. folks in texas can't drive in snow like folks in los angeles can't drive in rain. speaking of, at a team dinner saturday night one of the 15 year old girls told this joke: why does snoop dog carry an umbrella? for drizzle!

so my townhouse is in an old but developing neighborhood. i'm not sure exactly what the area is called but it's south of the heights but north of rice military. i've heard the term "upper west end" thrown around though. anyhow, the streets are pretty narrow, two cars can just barely pass each other in opposite directions. on either side of the street is a small drainage ditch about 6 feet wide and 2-3 feet deep which runs the length of the street. next to that is the sidewalk and the fences and gates to the residences. yesterday i'm outside getting the mail and i see these three neighbors walking their small dog. they walk by this one house where there's some yappy dog behind a tall fence and they decide to stop and let the two dogs go at it across the fence. i'm opening my mailbox when i hear a high pitched shriek. i look over to the girls just in time to see one of the girls lose her balance and fall backwards into the ditch! a few seconds later her head appears and the other two pull her up unscathed. that shit was comical tho.

every now and then random band names pop into my head. this morning it was "makes no deferens" or "huge deferens". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vas_deferens

Hanky is lazy.

Hanky is getting lazy about posting to this totally kool blog. I don't know what else he gots going...I mean all he does is eat candy and check his Friendster account all day.

I guess that begs the question...lavender or purple?

the next american idol will be...

http://www.idolonfox.com/contestants/katharine_mcphee/

cute as a button and can sing like crazy! don't worry, i watch skinemax afterwards.

hanky

QT @ 21st.

The "Chosen One" ran into the QT one at a South Park eatery last night. This begs the question...fries or sweet potato strings...the tough decisions in life.

Why are things that are so attainable so not?

have you seen this shit?

http://www.musiciansfriend.com/product?sku=512071

hanky

Indecision.

Indecision is sometimes spelled using two letters: "QT".